Character / Personality

I am shy. Please help!

What is shyness?

How to lose fear?

How to get self-confidence?

I am afraid to be an introvert.


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Secrets of a happy marriage

What men really want

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How to get self-confidence?

Dad's response

Try seriously to identify something you really like to do. Then keep doing it, until you are very good at it. You need something to show off. Don't censor yourself! It is important that you practice what you really like. It may be crossword puzzles, crocheting, reading crime fiction, cleaning carpets, painting landscapes, solving the Rubic's Cube, writing a diary, building toy robots, flying model airplanes, hiking, playing tennis, whatever! It is only important that it is some kind of activity. If you like to sit in front of the TV - forget it. That is not what I mean.

Self-confidence is ultimately based on competence. Only if you are really proficient in something, you will develop professional calmness. However, you can easily ruin a professional appearance with unnecessary mannerism, silly behavior or inappropriate clothing. Usually, it doesn't boost your self confidence when you get yourself a full-body tattoo, wear a nose ring, have your hair tainted blue or have a toothpick hanging out of your mouth. All this is silly nonsense that only highlights your insecurity.

If you are a woman, don't waste your money on cheap clothing, useless cosmetics or fake jewelry. Stop buying all the household and lifestyle trash you see on TV commercials - such as trainers you will never use or household appliances that break after the first week. Save your money! Once you have a nice amount on the side, go to the most expensive, most famous hairdresser and spa in town! Get yourself a fancy new hairstyle, perfect make up, face mask, manicure, and foot massage! It is important that you save enough that you can afford the best in town - the second best won't do the trick!

Get yourself an annual subscription for a gym or, if you can afford it, a personal trainer. Train hard, at least three times a week. Its not about loosing weight! It is about self-confidence. Few things can improve self esteem better than a well-shaped and fit body.

Control your weight. Don't kid yourself - obesity makes it very difficult to be self-confident, especially for women. If you are overweight, see the advice on "How to loose weight"?

If you have enough money buy yourself a set of expensive, well-fitting cloths. Don't purchase a lot of cheap stuff; instead buy the highest quality you can afford. If you don't have the money, start saving for it. Don't buy cloths on your credit card! It will only show that you are a cheap fake and too dumb to properly manage your money - which will make you even more unsure and depressed.

If your are a woman, throw away all your shoes! Seriously. 99% of women have horrible shoes, bought for appearance only. Get yourself elegant shoes that are very comfortable. There is a simple rule: The higher the heels, the more insecure the women! While you pretend to look elegant, you know deep inside that you actually look stupid. No one can walk comfortably and safely in very high heels. Even professional models frequently stumble with their high heels. Save yourself the embarrassment! Some of the best "funny videos" are those of famous models who stumble over their high heels on the cat-walk. Just see below: 


If your are a man, sell your Porsche! Seriously. In my experience, 99% of all men who drive Porsches (or some other fast car) have a self-esteem issue. Don't play tough if your aren't. If you want to strengthen your manhood volunteer for "Doctors Without Borders" to save life in a war zone or disaster area. That will give you real self-confidence. You can also join the National Guard or become a volunteer fire fighter. Real men don't need Porsches; they are just toys for childish boy-men.


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Paul McKenna (2006)
Instant Confidence. Bantam Press

Paul McGee (2011)
Self-confidence. The remarkable truth of why a small change can make a big difference. Capstone

Annie Ashdown (2013)
The Confidence Factor. The seven secrets of successful people. Crimson Publishing

Justin Albert (2014)
Confidence. Build unbreakable, unstoppable, powerful confidence in all areas of life. CreateSpace


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Copyright 2014, 2015 by Gerhard K. Heilig. All rights reserved.

Updated: 3 February 2015