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How to find a family man.


Dad - I want to marry and have a family! How can I find the right husband?


Dad's response:

If you want to find the perfect husband for a family you need to take matters into your own hand. Just sitting around and waiting for the right one to knock on your door will not work. Finding a partner for life has nothing to do with fate. It is about searching for the right man in the right place at the right time and then taking action. In modern, secular societies women are no longer "sleeping beauties" who need to be awakened by the kiss of a "prince" - or some other such nonsense. Modern women know what they want - or at least they know what they don't want.

Don't waste your life with some looser who just happened to be around when you felt lonely. In particular, if you want to have a family, you must forget about the "butterflies" in your stomach and switch on your brain. If you follow the checklist below, you will hopefully avoid some of the biggest mistakes.

Best time to start a family: Age 24 to 26. Don't believe the nonsense of having your first child much later in life. You will wait too long and then you will regret it! Obviously - if you want to have a large family you must start early! There is absolutely no doubt that, biologically, women should have their children before the age of 30 or 35, because this reduces the probability of genetic defects in their child.

Look for a husband who is about 2 to 5 years older! Younger men always believe they have missed some fantastic sexual experience. Sooner or later they will cheat on you. But don't go for a much older man as the father of your child! There is evidence that a higher age of the father can also increase the probability of genetic defects in your child.

Invite your potential husband to a family meeting with lots of small children! Observe, how he interacts with them! Is he behaving cold, disinterested, awkward or unnerved? If your answer is "yes" - forget about him! He will never become a good father. However, you should also watch out for signs of unusual intense interest in the children or attempts to interact in sexually suggestive language and games. Also get suspicious if he is all too willing to babysit children. This could be a sign that your potential husband is a pedophile. Sorry to be so blunt - but this is something you should find out before you marry. Thirty percent of children who have been sexually abused were abused by a family member. A child molester may appear to be charming, loving, and completely good-natured while harboring predatory thought. Make sure you are not making a big mistake.

Check his apartment! Does he live in a mess? If he does, you can bet that you will clean up his dirty socks after him during your shared life. Running a family with a slob as husband is quite a challenge.

Invite him for a barbeque or a dinner preparation. If he is too clumsy to get the grill going or chop onions he might be a klutz who is incapable to put up an IKEA shelf or change your child's diapers. With him as your husband you will do all the manual family work - and there will be a lot.

Don't look for a partner on a golf course or a polo field, at a yachting race or a surfing event. It is probably a waste of time. Men who like those activities are rarely family men. You probably should also avoid men who are crazy for racing fast motor bikes or sports cars. Chances are that he will eventually have a fatal crash and leave you a widow with children. Not an easy fate!

It's always a good idea to meet his parents. Check out his father. Is he a cranky, bad-tempered old scumbag? Chances are high, that your husband will be quite similar in twenty-five years. Check out his mother! If you marry him, she will be your mother-in-law. With a family, you might need her help. If she is only slightly annoying you she will be a real pain in the ass when you are married.

Be careful with men who have been a single child. They often tend to be whiny narcissists. Men who have grown up in a large family with sisters and brothers can usually better tolerate the stress of family life than single children.

If you are religious, church groups and pilgrimages are perfect occasions to meet a husband for starting a family. Always attend the weddings of your friends! They are a great marriage market.

If you live in a big city, consider to relocate to a small or medium-sized town. In a modern mega-city the percentage of male workaholics is much higher than the percentage of down-to earth family men. By the way - raising a family is much easier in a small or medium-sized town than in one of our large cities. These places have become the ultimate exploitation and entertainment machines of modern capitalism, which are most hostile to families and favor neurotic, pleasure-seeking and egoistic singles.

Don't ask him immediately if he wants children! Most men need to be slowly "trained" to become good fathers - even if they have good potential as a family man.


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Sandra L. Brown (2005)
How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You get Involved.
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Sandra Blakeslee / Judith Wallerstein (2004)
Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce.
Houghton Miffin Harcourt

Rob Jenkins (2012)
Family Man. The Art of Surviving Domestic
Dogwood Publishing

Ally Love (2011)
How to Find a Good Man.
The easy recipe to meet and marry the man of your dreams.
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Copyright 2014, 2015 by Gerhard K. Heilig. All rights reserved.

Updated: 3 February 2015